Delmar
Solar Addict
I worked there once too. The job had its ups and downs.
Dad Jokes (let's hear your worst! ;-)
- Thread starter svetz
- Start date
Bird and MacDonald “the worlds dirtiest song (lyrics)
There was an old farmer who lived by a rock
He sat in the meadow a-shaking his fist
At some boys who were down by the crick (creek)
Their feet in the water, their hands on their marbles
And playthings, and in days of yore
There came a young lady she looked like a
Pretty young creature. She sat on the grass
She pulled up her dresses and showed us her
Ruffles and laces and white fluffy duck
She said she was learning a nеw way to
Bring up her children and learn thеm to knit
While the boys in the barnyard where shoveling
Refuse and litter from yesterdays hunt
While the girl in the meadow was rubbing her
Eyes at the fellows as girls sometimes do
To make it quite clear that she wanted to
Go for a nice pleasant stroll on the grass
Then hurry back home for a nice piece of
Ice cream and cake that stood three layers tall
And after dessert she was ready to
Go for another walk down by the dock
With any young man with a sizable
Roll of one hundreds and a big bulge up front
If he asked politely she would show him her
Little pet dog who was subject to fits
And maybe she'd let him grab hold of her
Small tenders hands with movement so quick
Then she'd lean on over and suck on his
Soda so sweetly till she finished it
Then pull down her panties to rub on her
Hip, which she bruised when she ran down the halls
'Cause he tried to force her to lick on his
Candy so tasty made of butterscotch
And then he spread whipped cream
All over her cookies she had been baking all night
If you think this is dirty you're f***&&@ well right
There was an old farmer who lived by a rock
He sat in the meadow a-shaking his fist
At some boys who were down by the crick (creek)
Their feet in the water, their hands on their marbles
And playthings, and in days of yore
There came a young lady she looked like a
Pretty young creature. She sat on the grass
She pulled up her dresses and showed us her
Ruffles and laces and white fluffy duck
She said she was learning a nеw way to
Bring up her children and learn thеm to knit
While the boys in the barnyard where shoveling
Refuse and litter from yesterdays hunt
While the girl in the meadow was rubbing her
Eyes at the fellows as girls sometimes do
To make it quite clear that she wanted to
Go for a nice pleasant stroll on the grass
Then hurry back home for a nice piece of
Ice cream and cake that stood three layers tall
And after dessert she was ready to
Go for another walk down by the dock
With any young man with a sizable
Roll of one hundreds and a big bulge up front
If he asked politely she would show him her
Little pet dog who was subject to fits
And maybe she'd let him grab hold of her
Small tenders hands with movement so quick
Then she'd lean on over and suck on his
Soda so sweetly till she finished it
Then pull down her panties to rub on her
Hip, which she bruised when she ran down the halls
'Cause he tried to force her to lick on his
Candy so tasty made of butterscotch
And then he spread whipped cream
All over her cookies she had been baking all night
If you think this is dirty you're f***&&@ well right
We live in an expanding Universe…
all of it is running away from Chuck Norris
I want to apologize to everyone for the bad puns.
~Noah Fence
~Noah Fence
DBarr
New Member
What time do cows go to bed?
Pasture bedtime.
Pasture bedtime.
Tulex
Solar Wizard
I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do…it’s because I missed my exit.
Why did the dad name his dog frost?
Cause he wanted a dog that bites...
What do you call a dog that's been left out in the cold?
A chilli-dog...
Cause he wanted a dog that bites...
What do you call a dog that's been left out in the cold?
A chilli-dog...
wattmatters
Solar Wizard
A priest stands at the church pulpit to tell his congregation that after today he is leaving his flock behind to follow another calling.
He's embarking on a journey to visit every US state.
The shocked church goers ask him why, what was this calling?
He responds,
He's embarking on a journey to visit every US state.
The shocked church goers ask him why, what was this calling?
He responds,
"because I'm a Roamin' Catholic."
Delmar
Solar Addict
After a particularly mild winter the small town of Chestermere became infected with squirrels in the spring. Because the local churches had the best trees, the squirrels often congregated near them and this is what each church decided to do about the pesky animals:
The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will.
At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.
But the Catholic church came up with a very creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven’t seen a squirrel since…
The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will.
At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.
But the Catholic church came up with a very creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven’t seen a squirrel since…
sunshine_eggo
Happy Breffast!
I heard it split into multiple companies and the new Buckingham GPS can't be used for the same location more than once. If you punch in a previously entered location, it says, "never going back again."
wattmatters
Solar Wizard
Their weather app is crap.
Thunder only happens when it's raining.
Delmar
Solar Addict
These jokes are going Over My Head. I Don't Want To Know what they are about. But As Long As You Follow then its good.
A man steals a train, and kills 6 people, he is caught and sentenced to death by electric chair.
For his last meal he requests a single banana. He gets in the chair, they flip the switch, but nothing happens. Since the sentence only can be carried out once, they release him.
He again goes out and steals another train killing 4 more people.
He is again caught, sentenced and sent to the chair, again he requests a banana for his last meal.
The chair is again triggered, but again nothing happens, and he is again released.
For the third time, he steals a train and kills several people, he is again captured and sentenced to death by electric chair.
But this time the guards refuse to give him a banana fie his last meal, they give him the standard meal steak and potatoes.
He sits in the chair, but again nothing happens when they flip the switch.
Furious, they ask him why this keeps happening...
He responds...
For his last meal he requests a single banana. He gets in the chair, they flip the switch, but nothing happens. Since the sentence only can be carried out once, they release him.
He again goes out and steals another train killing 4 more people.
He is again caught, sentenced and sent to the chair, again he requests a banana for his last meal.
The chair is again triggered, but again nothing happens, and he is again released.
For the third time, he steals a train and kills several people, he is again captured and sentenced to death by electric chair.
But this time the guards refuse to give him a banana fie his last meal, they give him the standard meal steak and potatoes.
He sits in the chair, but again nothing happens when they flip the switch.
Furious, they ask him why this keeps happening...
He responds...
I guess I'm just a bad conductor
